Im fine. Well at least I keep telling myself that, I keep telling myself how lucky I am, and how everything could be worse off (which is true) .. but just because they arnt the worst, does that mean I dont have the right to be upset anyway? Idk.. im almost coping too well, for someone who just lost the love of their life. Im kinda lying to myself.. I really havnt accepted that he’s not mine, I probably wont for a while. Its like iv put a bandaid on a sore..eventually im going to have to rip it off, and feel realities wrath.
“Dont cry because you lost someone, smile because you had them” - I try and smile, and i think back on what we had, and it tears me to pieces. I remember being hysterical on the way home from the city on the ferry, and my boyfriend..ex.. cuddled me and kissed me, and didn’t let go, and I noticed his neck dropping lower and lower, he fell asleep, with his arms still wrapped around me.. I remember seeing him for the second time, on Australia Day, on the beautiful Manly beach, haha, he got stung by a blue bottle, and we spent the afternoon icing his stings. I remember him asking me to be his girlfriend at the easter show, upside down, on a roller coaster. And sharing my very first kiss with him.. and now my last :(
I hope letting him go was the right decision because I could never live with myself knowing I threw my everything away for nothing. I love you John Starkey, xxxx
Crazy how someone can make one mistake and it changes there life forever. I find it difficult to comprehend what sort of inner turmoil one must have to be able ruin someones life. Like fuck. It not so much pisses me off, but puzzles me, HOW could you live yourself knowing your the reason someone can’t sleep at night.
quality fucking dress, fuck
(Source: les-miserable, via flirtingwith-death)